When my kids were teenagers, a new book came out by John Bytheway entitled, “How to Be Totally Miserable: A Self-Hinder Book.” John Bytheway was a favorite youth speaker, and I knew it would be a great read for them because it would be both entertaining and educational. I wanted them to learn early how to live a joy-filled life and the seeds they could sow to do that, if they chose to. I so wanted them to choose to!
Perhaps that’s the hope of every parent—to see their child lead a happy life. I know I’m not alone in this. After all, no one sets out to be completely miserable. Still, the choices we make each day, even in the smallest moments, ultimately shape the course of our lives.
I got married very young, deeply loving my family and the home I came from. However, I recognized patterns in my childhood that I was determined not to repeat in my own family. My father wasn’t often a violent man, but he had a short fuse and a roaring temper—traits he learned from his mother. Our home could be peaceful until he walked in the door, at which point trouble often followed.
Acknowledging this dynamic and knowing how to change it are two different things. I found myself mirroring my father in many ways. I constantly felt a fire in my belly, striving to control that intensity; sometimes successfully, but often not. This struggle ultimately led me to become a Rapid Eye Technician, where I learned the tools and skills to break those family patterns and create the happy home I desired. While our home wasn’t perfect by any means, we did cultivate a sense of happiness and connection, breaking the cycle and paving the way for a brighter future for everyone.
Happy homes don’t just happen. I know my mother longed for one. Every birthday and Christmas, when we asked her what she wanted as a gift, her answer was always the same: a day without contention, where everyone got along and was happy. I believe she is still waiting for that day.
While wishing upon a star may, as Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio suggested, ignite our hopes, having a vision is only the first step toward creation. Though, it is an important first step. The Lord did say, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). Nevertheless, if our lives, our relationships, or our homes are not as happy or harmonious as we would like them to be, without the knowledge, skills, tools, and wisdom to plant and nurture those seeds, the dream of a happy home remains just that—a dream.
At the outset of this series, we emphasized the importance of taking responsibility for the seeds we are planting and addressing any areas in need of healing to cultivate the harvest we truly desire. The next vital step involves understanding how to nurture the seeds you have intentionally chosen to sow.
If a farmer finds the seeds he is planting are not growing, then he may need to study more about the environment he is cultivating. He might need to assess the quality of the soil, the amount of sunlight, or the frequency of watering to understand why his crops are not thriving. Similarly, in our lives, we must reflect on our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to identify what might be hindering our happiness. What is our part?
Albert Einstein said that we cannot solve a problem at the same level of understanding we were at when we created that problem. So, if we want the harvest of happiness in our relationships or our lives, we most likely will need to learn a new way of thinking, believing, and doing, cultivating a new environment. This requires some radical self accountability.
The people in our lives are dancing to the music we are playing. If we don’t like the dance, then it is up to us to change the music. In my experience, we often know what we want, but figuring out how to get there can feel like navigating in the dark.
This brings me back to why I gave my teenagers John Bytheway’s book—because I wanted them to learn early on how to recognize the seeds they were planting, the choices they were making, and take conscious stewardship of their lives.
Just like my kids, each of us has the power to shape our own lives. A short blog like this may be just the invitation you need to start thinking differently, to act with intention, and to explore what it takes to create a happy life. If you’re ready to start, we have a plethora of tools and resources at Whole Happy Free to help guide your journey. Visit us at wholehappyfree.com, where you’ll find practical steps, like our “Unlocking Communication” tool, to help you begin. The road to happiness and fulfillment doesn’t have to be lonely or confusing. With the right resources and support, you can take meaningful steps toward living a life you truly love. You got this!
