Have you ever found yourself in a disagreement, feeling unseen, misunderstood, or just unsure how to turn things around? In marriage, especially one grounded in eternal commitment, these moments can feel particularly heavy. You want more than just to get along—you want to build something sacred, something lasting. Yet the day-to-day can feel overwhelming, and even with all the resources available, you’re still left wondering: what’s missing?
Maybe it’s mismatched expectations, a lack of emotional or physical connection, or the exhaustion of trying to connect when your efforts feel unreciprocated. The good news? It doesn’t have to stay that way.
Communication doesn’t have to be complicated or full of tension. When we choose love over fear, when we intentionally align our hearts with truth, faith, and understanding, we create the space for deeper connection. And that starts with how we prepare our hearts and minds before we even open our mouths.
Recognizing the Real Enemy
Something powerful happens when we shift our focus from seeing the other person as the “enemy” to recognizing the real adversary: Satan. This perspective can completely transform the way we approach difficult conversations. When we feel frustration, anger, or defensiveness rising up in a relationship, it’s easy to think that the other person is the problem. But, in truth, those emotions are often rooted in false beliefs, unhelpful stories we tell ourselves, or negative influences that sow discord.
When you can recognize that Satan is the real enemy, it frees you to shift your mindset. It’s no longer about fighting against the person you love or care about—it’s about fighting together against the negative forces trying to disrupt your peace and connection. This realization allows you to take a step back, breathe, and reassess the situation with love and understanding.
Praying Together: A Powerful Tool for Connection
One way to stay grounded and centered is through prayer. As we talked about in our podcast, there’s something beautiful and powerful about praying with the people you care about. Prayer becomes an anchor, a way to invite divine guidance into your relationship and decisions.
When a couple prays together it brings them closer to each other and to God. It’s not just about asking for help in resolving issues—it’s about inviting the Lord into your space, to help you navigate the challenges of life and relationships. With prayer, we can ask for the strength to recognize when we are being influenced by negative beliefs or perspectives, choose repentance (turning back to God and His light, love, and truth), and to turn toward each other in love. This opens the door for healing, connection, and the ability to navigate tough situations in a way that strengthens the bond rather than weakens it.
Choosing Love, Not Fear
In relationships, it’s important to remember that our choices must be guided by love, not fear. Fear can lead us to make decisions that are reactive, defensive, or unkind. When we let fear guide our actions, we build walls, create distance, and allow misunderstandings to grow.
On the other hand, love empowers us to make decisions that are compassionate, open, and constructive. Love is about choosing to see the best in each other, even when things get tough. Love is about creating safety and trust, even in moments of vulnerability.
When we choose love, we create an atmosphere of acceptance, forgiveness, and growth. Instead of letting fear dictate our words or actions, we allow love to lead the way, providing a safe space for the relationship to flourish.
Practical Steps to Improve Communication
The key to better communication is being prepared—prepared in our hearts and our minds. When we’re emotionally aware and grounded, we’re able to engage in conversations in a way that builds connection rather than tearing it down. This includes being mindful of our triggers, our emotional responses, and how we express ourselves.
We encourage you to take a moment before important conversations to pause and check in with yourself. This moment of reflection helps you get in touch with your emotions, allowing you to enter the conversation with a clearer mindset. Remember, communication is not just about speaking your truth—it’s about listening, understanding, and being open to the other person’s perspective.
It’s also important to recognize when boundaries are necessary. If someone’s behavior is causing harm or disrespect, it may be time to step back and establish healthy boundaries, all while maintaining a heart of love and compassion. In a few close relationships in my family, I learned that I could “beholding him love him” or her (Mark 10:21) and still say this isn’t okay and I’m choosing not to engage here.
Remember, boundaries are always about what you will or will not do. They are never about trying to control another person. Also, this choice is not about acting in fear where you feel the need to fight, hide, or freeze. It is a conscious choice made out of love, to protect your peace and your relationship.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Relationships are a journey, and each conversation is an opportunity to create disconnection or greater connection. We will fall short and create that disconnection, and repair is necessary and possible. As we continue to work on our communication skills, it’s important to remind ourselves that we are all learning and growing, doing our best to connect in meaningful ways. The more we practice love, compassion, and understanding, the more naturally these behaviors will flow into our relationships.
If you want to learn more about building meaningful connections in your relationships, we invite you to check out our latest podcast episode.
We also encourage you to explore The Self-Check Guide: Preparing Your Heart for Better Communication on our website. It’s a great resource designed to help you prepare for successful connecting communication in your relationships. You’ll find tips and strategies to set yourself up for success in your conversations, as well as tools to make sure your heart and mind are aligned before you engage in any discussion.
You’ve got this! And we’ve got you!
