I was completely stunned. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to hear my husband say he’d lost his job. One minute, everything seemed promising and hopeful, and the next, a community member called to tell us the school board had met behind closed doors and announced they were releasing the current superintendent—my husband. They didn’t even have the decency to notify him directly. It was so startling and disorienting, as if a fog rolled in, obscuring every sense of reality.
It was 2021, and my husband had just recovered from a month-long battle with COVID. He’d been working from home, following county guidelines, and was preparing to return to the office the very next day. After months of unprecedented challenges, it seemed like things were finally settling down. His students were finally back to school in person, and we thought we were through the worst of this historic pandemic. But, out of nowhere, he was blindsided. No warning. No explanation. Just gone. We were devastated, grappling to understand the unsettling reality of what felt like a clandestine political coup. In the aftermath, the board president and several members resigned, leaving us with a whirlwind of questions about the hidden agendas that had unfolded behind closed doors.
We had uprooted our entire lives, moving to this new community just the year before. The transition had been tough, dealing with the pandemic and navigating endless opinions on how things should be done. Still, we had fallen in love with our new home, and Michael had worked hard to create a positive environment. Just as things seemed to be turning around, it all came crashing down. The weight of that loss is still heavy and, at the time, we felt utterly powerless, like victims to forces beyond our control.
An experience is just that—an experience—until we assign our perception on it, and we have the power to change that perception.
Have you noticed the stories in your life where you’ve felt like a victim? When we find ourselves in this pattern, emotions like blame, fear, and heavy expectations can overwhelm us, leaving us feeling hurt, disappointed, and especially powerless. Yet, remember that these feelings, while they may seem familiar and make sense, ultimately rob us of our divine agency—a precious gift from God that He never takes away.
As I reflect on that time, I realize how easy it is to feel powerless when life throws unexpected challenges our way. Maybe you’ve been there, too—facing a sudden loss, an unfair decision, or a moment when everything seemed to fall apart. But what if, instead of being victims of circumstance, we’re being offered a deeper lesson? What if the people in these stories—those who hurt or disappointed us—are actually our greatest teachers, playing their parts perfectly for our eternal growth? Could it be that these challenges are designed to help us step into our personal power and evolve in ways we never imagined?
The mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. We can start to view even the most challenging experiences through a new lens that supports us in feeling good.
Take a moment, even now, to remember a time when you felt like a victim. See the story, and feel how it feels, and breathe. Give it permission to be seen and to exist. Now say outloud to yourself, “I am not the victim I once perceived. I can be whatever I choose.” Visualize a time when you felt loved and nurtured then place that image over the one of the victim in your mind. As you do this, feel the negative emotions fade and the positive ones grow stronger, allowing your heart to expand and connect to greater feelings of love and wisdom. When you open your eyes, embrace the feeling of being cherished and empowered, knowing that you are a divine son or daughter of God and He is in the details of your life, knowing you have a powerful Savior who has paid a heavy price for your happiness and freedom (Elder Alliaud Oct. 2024).
Positive living is your measure of success, and you have the power to attract a joyful life filled with health, happiness, and supportive relationships. It begins with our thoughts, which create our emotions, lead to our actions, and ends with the results. And those results then lead to a thought, and the cycle starts again. If you find yourself in this victim cycle, you can interrupt it at any moment by exercising your agency to choose again!
We have great tools on our website to support you in making a new choice if you need some support. We are not bound by the past or by circumstances beyond our control.
As the crispness of fall enveloped the world, it was on such a day that my husband delivered the shocking news that would change everything, changing the trajectory of our lives. We still carry the weight of our lost hopes and dreams from that community, that home, and that job. I don’t have the answers I wish I had, and I may never fully understand the reasons why. Yet, I hold fast to the words of Nephi who, despite his uncertainties, proclaimed, “I do not understand all things; nevertheless, I know that God loveth His children” (1 Nephi 11:17).
I know God loves me, too. I refuse to see myself as a victim of this world or the people in it; instead, I embrace my role as a co-creator with God, trusting Him to guide my path and nurturing myself with divine truths in those moments of loss and uncertainty. This autumn, as I sow seeds of freedom rooted in divine love, I welcome the gift of letting go, releasing what has been and embracing the transitions that life brings. May we all find strength in our stories, knowing that even in our struggles, we are never alone and are always growing into something greater. We’ve got this!
Love and light,
Tonya & Natasha
