Well, this is the week of love! The holiday that everyone is talking about. The holiday that usually brings up a mixed bag of emotions. For some, Valentine’s Day is a fun and exciting way to show up for the people we love. For others, it’s a time of pressure and stress, trying to figure out how to make the day meaningful. Still others get overwhelmed with the parental guidance of making a Valentine box and thirty class Valentines per kid, followed by a week of sugar-crazed behavior (P.S. I homeschool, and this is STILL a thing … All you mommas out there, I see you!). Finally, many experience Valentine’s Day as a reminder of the unmet expectations they have with romantic relationships. Whatever category you fall into this Valentine’s Day, consider this blog as your official permit to take your power back, and DO WHAT YOU WANT.
So often we get caught up in getting all the to-dos done that we don’t actually get clear on what we want until we get something we don’t want, and that doesn’t feel great. So, this Valentine’s Day, we are inviting you to consider what you would like to feel and experience this holiday, and then show up for yourself to make it happen! To support you in this, we will walk through ways you can show up for yourself and ways you can show up for someone you love. To provide some structure, these ideas will fall into 5 different categories known as the “Love Languages.”
As a review for those less familiar with the five love languages, Gary Chapman created a theory that we feel love and show love in five basic categories: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It is important to note that it can be tempting to project that our loved ones feel loved in the ways we do, or that the ways we naturally want to show love hold the same meaning for those we are trying to show up for. Remember that some ways of showing love hold more weight and meaning for different people. Speaking the language of the people you love while honoring your natural tendency can be a bit of a balancing act, but it is well worth the effort!
- Words of Affirmation: A handwritten card can be just the ticket for those who feel love through words of affirmation. Or a jar of “25 Reasons I Love You.” For those of you who feel loved in this way but feel it is unlikely to be given to you, give this gift to yourself! Write yourself a note of gratitude, be specific about the ways you feel you’ve shown up well and the admirable qualities you have. Give yourself the validation and words that hold meaning for you—you may be surprised at how powerful it is to show up for yourself in this way.
- Acts of Service: If someone you love feels loved through acts of service, spend just 5 minutes thinking about the projects that are left undone or incomplete. You may be surprised what comes up! I was recently told a story of a friend whose brother was visiting for Christmas and took time out of his holiday to clean out this friend’s fridge. Like, really clean it out. Two months later, this service still brings emotions of gratitude for my friend and his family. If you know this is you, set aside some time to tackle a project you’d like to finish or hire it out! Show up for yourself. It could be as simple as drawing yourself a bath or organizing a medicine cabinet. Do it with intention and feel the joy of meeting your needs.
- Gifts: This is a highly misunderstood love language. If someone you care about feels love through gifts, it’s not JUST about a gift. It’s the thought and meaning with which the gift was picked out. While flowers and chocolates are the typical symbols of love and appreciation on Valentine’s Day, this is a chance to take things a step further and get a gift personalized to your person. Take a couple of minutes and brainstorm the things your person enjoys the most. It could be on the spectrum from cute socks to new jewelry, or a new book they’ve been eyeing. If you know your love language is gifts, consider this your permission to get yourself a meaningful gift. Show yourself some love.
- Quality Time: Some ways to show love through quality time could be gifting an experience, taking a class, a romantic dinner together, or simply going for a walk. Whatever the experience is, make sure to slow down and be present and intentional. If you feel love through quality time, give yourself permission to spend some time with yourself. Journal, watch something that makes you laugh, or take a nice, long shower.
- Physical Touch: Do you know how long it takes to hug someone before their “happy hormones” are released? Six seconds. If you love someone who feels loved via physical touch, find ways to be intentional and meaningful with your touch. Give at least a six second hug, and put in extra effort to touch their knee or brush their back as you walk by. If you are someone who needs that physical touch, put some lotion on with the intention to show up for yourself in gratitude or give a long hug (which means you receive it in return!)
This is, by no means, a comprehensive list, but we hope it has started the juices flowing. Remember, you have power in your life to ask for and often give yourself what you need. There is also a lot of joy that comes from slowing down, if only for 5 minutes, to really consider the ways you can show up for the people you love the most. You might be surprised by what comes up and the meaning it holds.
