I like to have my home in order. I come by it naturally. I remember at my paternal grandmother’s funeral, each of her children spoke, and nearly every one of them mentioned her life’s motto, “Everything has a place, and everything in its place.” Yes, I can very much relate to that! This generational pattern was passed down from both my parents, with my mother also holding a strong belief in the importance of order. It is a pattern I am grateful for, as I also know that God is a God of order (see D&C 132). So, I believe this is a pattern worth emulating.
I also learned that there are times for messiness! As a young Primary President, I started a tradition of hosting an annual summer event for the children we called our “Messy Party.” Oh, we had such fun with a pie-eating contest, finger painting and, best of all, a pudding food fight! Afterward, we wrapped up the event with a playful water fight, washing away the mess and leaving us all refreshed, if only partially cleaned. It was a time to let loose and purposely be messy!
I was comfortable with messiness when it was part of my carefully planned events, but I struggled when my life was chaotic without my consent. I craved order, which led to control over myself and my surroundings, only to realize that this pursuit of control and perfection was neither attainable nor worth emulating. In fact, I’ve come to see that control is a tactic of Lucifer and perfectionism fundamentally opposes the Plan of Happiness.
Our Heavenly Father presented a plan, knowing we would need a Savior because He understood that our mortal journey would be filled with messiness and mistakes. He knew that, through the exercise of our agency—His precious gift to us—we would need to make mistakes, take feedback, and learn new ways. We are indeed mess-making machines, and this is all part of the divine plan!
Believing we have to be perfect is an anti-Christ thesis, contradicting the truth that Christ’s grace and the plan of salvation are designed to embrace our imperfections. True freedom comes from taking accountability for our mistakes, learning from them, and receiving Christ’s grace to guide us toward healing, growth, and redemption. Embracing our flaws is not a weakness but a recognition of our need for His Love and the strengthening and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This understanding liberates us, allowing us to live in more compassion toward ourselves and others.
The Power of a Redo: Learning from St. Francis of Assisi
I’ve been reading a fantastic book entitled, “10 Great Souls I want to Meet in Heaven,” by S. Michael Wilcox (one of my favorite people). Brother Wilcox shares a story that deeply touched me about St. Francis of Assisi. Known for his humility and boundless compassion, he exemplifies a moving lesson on embracing our imperfections. When a young novice persistently asked for a psalter, despite Francis’s initial refusal, the saint’s frustration led him to react harshly, leaving the young man humiliated and walking away (can you relate? I sure can, to both sides of this!).
Realizing the gravity of his mistake, Francis ran after him, and together, they quietly retraced their steps to the very spot where Francis had lost his temper. There, kneeling in the dust, Francis humbly admitted, “I have done wrong,” and sought forgiveness. This act of returning to the scene of his error and asking for pardon is a powerful reminder that seeking a redo is not a sign of weakness but an act of courage. It shows us that making mistakes is an inevitable part of our journey and that owning up to them, and seeking to make things right, allows us to grow and connect more deeply. By embracing our messiness and extending grace to ourselves and others, we foster a culture of understanding and compassion, where everyone has the chance to learn, heal, and move forward with greater wisdom.
In our family, we have adopted the phrase, “Cancel. Erase,” when we are responding in a way that is not in harmony with ourselves or our values and we want to start again. We often laugh about it but, to me, it is a tender reminder of the love, grace, and compassion we are seeking to offer each other.
This willingness to embrace our messiness and ask for redos can transform our relationships with others and with ourselves. When we allow ourselves the grace of a second chance, we also give others permission to do the same. This creates a culture of understanding, where we’re all allowed to be human and given an opportunity to move forward with greater wisdom.
As a child, I didn’t feel it was safe to make a mistake. So, sometimes in moments of life when I’ve made a mistake or it feels messy, my inner child wants me to move back into the perceived safety of perfection (and its accompanying blame). I can see her and gently remind her, “It’s safe to make a mistake, take feedback, and learn a new way.” It is a mantra I still tell myself often. Then I can be teachable instead of shrouded in shame. These are moments of repentance, or turning back to Christ. I learn to trust my Savior and myself, and I can even build trust with others. It is in the repair work that we are changed, exalted, and even set free.
**There is another aspect to our mistakes making us “Marvelously Free” that is mentioned here and worth more exploration. It is an integral and maybe even a radical piece. Join us next week to hear more!
